The Misfortune, Manifestation, and Revelation of Onesiphorus Wood


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Product Description

Onesiphorus Wood is your average fifteen-year-old boy with orangutan arms, a big goofy nose, and hair shaped like a permanent swirly. Thanks to his miserable past, seemingly screwed up present, and mundane future, he is convinced his life sucks. When Onee wonders if there is something more to the life he’s been living, something profoundly strange happens. He finds himself on a whirlwind adventure no one can explain. What would you do if you were burned half-to-death in Sodom, crushed by the Red Sea, and had a hand in making the walls of Jericho fall down, but couldn’t remember doing it? Here lies Onee’s gigantic problem; his Heavenly Father–who he knows nothing about–is behind all the craziness and turmoil. He is teaching Onee a valuable lesson by dropping him in the middle of the most famous Bible stories, so he can suffer through the bane and misfortune of others. Onee learns this: if you’re convinced your life sucks, someone else’s sucks worse, and to be saved, you must lose everything you love and die. For Onee, this required dying three times for good measure’s sake, and then forgetting it ever happened in the first place. Onee’s problem seemed impossible to solve, but with help from his best friend, Dee–the world’s craziest dresser and braided-hair enthusiast–they may actually be able to solve it. Join Onee as he tells you his unforgettable story; how you must lose your life and everything you love in order to get it back. And when all hope seems lost, you can still find it in the most surprising places: the eyes of a frog, wearing enormous high heels, and the support of a friend who is willing to knock someone out cold for you. Can Onee and Dee’s friendship survive festering uncertainty, constantly being on the run, and a million waffled questions? . . . all while their whole world crumbles around them like the walls of Jericho? Or, will Onee wake up one day to discover his beastly mess was one gigantic dream he will never forget?


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